Hungry, Hungry Soil

A meditation on food and flowers.

All the food we eat, from fast food fries to oat milk to bartlett pears to the most delicately thin slice of taro root, has its beginnings in the soil.

Without soil, there is no forest.

Without soil, there is no fen.

Without soil, there is no farm.

Without soil, there is no food.

Soil is a living, breathing, delicately balanced life force, like a magic carpet covering the earth. Scratch it, put a seed just half an inch down, moisten it, warm it, and a tomato plant grows! A magical medium, a mineral mystery.

The skin of the earth is alive, and we live off of its vitality. Some of us live off of it quite literally making a living from cultivating the soil and growing cash crops, trees, or pasture. Some live off of the soil by collecting what it nurtures—nuts, roots, seeds, grasses, bark, and cattails. Some companies scrape topsoil from its native land and sell it in plastic bags or dump it on a new home lot to smooth out the hills and bumps. Without topsoil, alive and slowly, constantly forming, we would have nothing to look at or eat.

We eat and drink the Earth.

Can you think of one thing you ate or drank today that does not come from the soil? This might seem like a silly question, but let’s see where it takes us.

Scrambled eggs.

The eggs that most western cultures eat come from chickens, millions and millions of chickens being raised on farms. Or, for my family, the one in our backyard (her name is Marylin, and she occasionally lays the sweetest little brown eggs, they’re called fairy eggs). These chickens must eat for their bodies to create that egg, and if they are lucky hens, they are let out to eat grass and bugs every day. Grass that grows from the soil and bugs that live in and eat that same soil. And the more grass and bugs those chickens eat, the more nutritious the egg.

And butter for the pan? Same sort of pattern. Millions of cows in the United States are raised for beef, but also some for milk, and, if they are lucky cows, they are let out to eat grass every day. Bacteria help the cow to turn that grass into sun-fueled globules of fatty lactose that come out as milk that we then make into butter, yogurt, cheese, kefir, and the list goes on.

Olive oil.

Instead of butter? Fair enough, from olives that grow from trees that need the sandy, mineral rich nutrients of the Mediterranean or California.

Bread or oatmeal? Made from finely milled seeds of various grasses—rye, wheat, barley, emmer, einkorn—that used their fungus lined roots to draw nutrients and water from the soil.

Lobster.

Imagine. Invisible bacteria, phytoplankton, and algae are making their own energy from the sunlit saturated upper levels of the ocean. Even the abyssal bottom of the ocean floor is spewing chemical nutrients from deep within the planet into the blackest of water where microorganisms use them to make food in the absence of light. And those invisible organisms are the bedrock of an ocean-sized food chain, microscopic food to feed whales and salmon, shrimp and clams, sharks and octopus. Us.

Hamburgers, hotdogs, milk, peanut butter, tofu, the list will go on and on.

Coffee and chocolate? Yes, let’s stop there for a sweet second. Both are made from beans that come from plants that are the complex and delicious result of pre-fermented seeds planted in tropical soils.

It takes a leap of the imagination to get to the soil from every single thing that we eat, but it is not a huge, insurmountable leap. No, it’s more like a pause before taking that first sip of coffee or tea in the morning. An imaginative pause to close our eyes and envision where the beans and tea leaves originated. Arabica? Dig deeper. Are they from South America? Africa? Asia? Were they grown under the wings of birds in mountain forests, or on a clear-cut plantation that removed native trees so good for the soil the coffee and tea came from? Who picked them? How much were they paid? Do they get to eat the food they harvest?

Cereal? The ingredient list on the side of the box is like an inventory of soil minerals—zinc, copper, phosphorous, magnesium, iron, and calcium to name a few. It’s more like eating a soil sample than a box of Wheaties.

Tortillas? The seeds of an annual grass, maize, ground and flattened and patted or pressed into savory circles to be filled with beans or meat or cheese. One of the best tasting meals I ever had was called a papusa. It was made everywhere in El Salvador, but the first one I had was made a roadside stand, a papuseria. I watched them take the ground maize mixed with water, expertly shape it into a neat circle, place cheese, meat, refried beans, or even edible flowers in the middle that they covered up with more cornmeal, and slap it on a large, round griddle. Giant jars of fermented cabbage, curtido, were on tables outside, ready to put on top. Papusas were sunshine in my mouth.

The average rate of soil replenishment is 100 years per inch. In the United States, we use soil 10 times faster than that. Some estimates predict just 60 years of topsoil left in the world. A recent study published in 2021 by three geoscientists at the University of Massachusetts provides a staggering number. An average of 35% of the topsoil in the Midwest, what was once described as a rich, silky mousse, is now completely lost from over tilling, wind, and water erosion.

Mathematically speaking, we need to balance soil withdrawals with compost deposits before we lose any more. Biologically speaking, soil is a living organism made up of other living organisms, minerals, water, and air and needs to be fed in order to stay alive. Geologically speaking, soil is the very youngest, the thinnest, the tip top of earth’s layered history. Soil is just a century old, but the oldest rocks, found in the depths of Australia, are 4.4 billion years old and caught glimpses of the birth of our moon. Spiritually speaking, soil is more than the sum of its individual parts—clay, silt, and ancient sand. These tiny particles, hewn from the cooled rock of earth’s molten core are knit together by lichen, bacteria, and fungus until they can support cells that live off minerals and sunshine. Until they become soil.

After WWII, industrial agriculture took hold and chemical technology moved from the military field to the crop field. The results were immediate and green. But decades of increasing fertilizer and pesticide application resulted in tractor-compacted subsoil and heavy losses of trace minerals, micronutrients, fungi, bacteria, and other micro-organisms that give soil life. We are only just beginning to understand the importance of macrobiotics in farming.

Like native flora and fauna, we’ve lost native soil, some of it never to be recovered. Who knows how many millions of microscopic life forms have lived and died and gone extinct right under our noses. What did they look like? What did they do? Were they replaceable? Life is morphing constantly, but we’ve cut it short, unnaturally so.

The fertility, water holding capacity, and tilth of soil comes from biological diversity. When biology is replaced with monocropping and chemical fertilizers, it is like replacing a soil’s earthy vocal cords with a human tape recording. Instead of singing its native song, a field can only say “corn, corn, corn” and this field only “wheat, wheat, wheat” with an occasional season of fallow silence. Pretty soon, a field is completely expressionless without chemical assistance.

I do believe that, given time and various forms of compost, fields will begin to sing their native songs again. There is no use telling them what tune is acceptable. “Weeds” (many of which turn out to be important native plants) pop up like notes out of place and horribly out of tune with our idea of a field. At first, they seem an eyesore compared to the beautiful, sterile, chemically induced waves of grain we are so used to driving past. But the miracle is that soil, in partnership with farmers and gardeners who see the value in a living, singing soil, can heal with time and compost, and I am looking forward to the symphony.

Miracles, Parables, and Oracles

I’m orange peels, I’m coffee grounds, I’m wisdom! 

Marjory the Trash Heap

I can’t say that I’ve ever witnessed a miracle. I’ve always imagined miracles being pretty obvious things to see—walking on water (I have a paddle board that gets me pretty close), never ending baskets of food (grocery stores in the U.S. hardly ever run out of anything, and perhaps that is a miracle that costs too much), water that turns to wine (fermentation kind of does that), lanterns that stay lit even after the oil has run out (there are 5 solar lanterns hanging in my trees, no oil required), paralyzed individuals walk again (there was a dolphin who lived a full life with a prosthetic tail and his story brought me to tears), the blind see (I know they’re just bending the light, but the moment I put on my glasses, the world sharpens), the dead return to life (compost).

It turns out a miracle is (I just now looked it up), profoundly, an object of wonder that causes you to smile. Well, in that case, I’ve witnessed plenty of miracles! A sudden burst of feathered flight when I walk out the back door. The perfectly furred and rounded back of the rabbit that lives in the house. The color of the sky behind Mt. Adams as the earth turns away from the sun.

Miracles happen to us, while oracles speak to us, warn us, shake us, move us as if we were mountains and they were the miracles.

Marjory, or Madame Trash Heap to the Fraggles in Fraggle Rock, a Muppet show that many from my generation will know (and possibly be singing the theme song to right now) was a bespectacled, sentient pile of trash that had seen everything and knew everything and gave advice. Usually she wanted everyone to live in harmony and to take responsibility for their lives. She was a parabolic oracle, and she really was wise.

Garbage is our life’s oracle. Our daily leftovers speak volumes about who we are and what we love and how we live our lives. Sometimes I imagine modern purgatory as a place where you are forced to sit with all of the garbage you ever threw away and wait, in real time, until it completely decomposes. Only then could you ascend to heaven. And it wouldn’t be a combined pile, either. No, you’d have to wait until that Styrofoam cup decomposed (about 500 years) before you could move on to the take-out containers from all of those restaurants. Every person would have to wait as one diaper decomposed at a time and only then move on to the next one. That’s right, the number of years it takes for a diaper to disintegrate (roughly another 500 years) TIMES THE NUMBER OF DIAPERS.

Okay, I confess I imagined it this way because I did use a few disposable diapers alongside all of the thousands of times I rinsed, washed, and dried our cloth ones, and I don’t want to have to sit and wait. I mean, I gotta get some reward, right? Or is this just another version of the parable of the farmworker who came early to the field and got paid the same amount as the one who came just before the sun went down? Sigh, I know the answer. Garbage purgatory is only a fantasy I have, a wish for detritus retribution, to satisfy the desire to have something to hold over every wasteful, thoughtless act of pollution and littering. The final Word. But of course, this is not the way the world works, this is not the way that love works, and if the world is going to move forward, we’ll need to round out the edges, not sharpen them to a point—metaphorical or grammatical.

Compost is never the final word. Compost piles and the words we need to learn how to create them are signposts that invite conversation with the always changing world, that encourage a composter to dive into the deep, dark, unknown waters of change and transformation, of despair becoming hope, of waste becoming treasure. Compost language lives beyond the pale, where there are wildflowers growing in sentient garbage heaps, where there are monsters of leftovers turning into garden gold. Compost is embodied language. Earthed. Embedded. Speak. Write. Revise. Listen. Compost. Try again.

Compost is my oracle. It speaks of renewal. Of raw, rounded, richness generated in my backyard, from my own life’s refuse. Regeneration. Re-dos. It’s not the language we are used to hearing, and definitely not the language that we are used to understanding. It’s a lot like parables, truths that sit alongside other truths. Jewish rabbis often spoke in parables, and Jesus, who was their successor, also spoke in parables with words that could be understood by everyone about what made life good. Compost is a parabolic parable turning words and language upside down, like the prostitute’s hair on Jesus’ oiled feet, to become new again, to become full of light and life.

Here are some compost parables from my own trash heap:

And the disciples asked, how will we know the resurrection? And she answered, “Look at the compost pile, see how it starts a smelly, putrid mass of gloppy food, grass, pumpkin innards, manure, and straw. Yet quietly, with time and without waste, it consumes, digests, and restores the light inside a dark dankness. All good things in life come to an end. You feast, you reap, and from these events come waste. And yet, you waste the waste. Does not the compost pile welcome the waste you have rejected and make it new again?”

And the disciples asked, how can salvation be for everyone? And she answered, “There once was a rich woman who invited all of her friends to a feast. She brought in her best wine and her finest chefs. She depleted all of her grain stores to make the richest breads and squeezed her chickens and cows dry to have enough butter and eggs for the best cakes. But she did not compost what was left over, and for the next seven years her soil was lifeless and she could not raise enough food to host her friends. But those she did not invite, those who waited for the crumbs under her tables, the peels from the kitchen, the scrapings from the plates, and the waste water from the wash basons took the waste, composted it, and grew their own gardens and shared it with their friends.”

And the disciples asked, who will understand how to get into the kingdom of heaven? And she answered, “There once was a sower who scattered seed. Some seed fell on the pavement of an urban street, some in the ditch of a rural road. Some blew on the wind to land in the duff of the forest floor and the rest she threw onto her compost pile in the backyard. The seed that fell on pavement was eaten by pigeons and squirrels and never had a chance to sprout. The seed that fell in the ditch grew, but no one noticed it as they drove by at 80 miles an hour. The seed that fell in the forest duff grew far from people and the raccoons, opossum, rabbits, and deer had a feast. And the seed that fell on the compost grew in size and flavor unlike anything she had seen, and she was amazed at such abundance from her own backyard, so near, so easy and effortless, and from then on she planted, harvested, and composted at home.”

What would it be like if people who lived in cities could suddenly peer into the life of a farmer or fisherman? If the fences suddenly disappeared between them? If someone from inner city Chicago could suddenly smell the sweet barn hay mixed with manure and understand that this is where that pulled pork from the restaurant is coming from? What if a crowd waiting on a corner in Hong Kong to cross the street was suddenly zorped into the middle of an alfalfa field, the same one I used to irrigate every morning and night, the one where I would sing to the bumble bees on the purple flowers and the mountain and sky with all my heart? What if I was zorped into their world? Would we experience being held by the most wondrous body, would we come to feel the skin of the earth on our cheeks, the reflection of light from skyscraper windows, and reciprocate the inhale and exhale, uniting earth and sky? Would we know that we, the humans in between earth and sky, are made of earth but breathe the sky, every day melding and interacting and mingling and tangling ourselves up in her beautiful body?

Miraculous.

Cross country skiing at Harris Nature Center

Snow falls from the sky,
Clings to pine needles and sycamore limbs
That canopy Red Cedar River.
Snow falls again.
Ploosh,
Into water almost frozen.
It is cold, so cold.

Breathlets nestled deep in our lungs
Rise warm and swift, 
Like birds startled from our mouths,
Whirl to the treetops,
Warm a bottom branch to the nth degree.
Enough to trigger release, 
A silent descent, 
Soft splash, 
Frozen water into flowing water, 
Sisters meet again.
Easily, as if they had known
All along.
At last.
Softly. 
Stunning.
This is the sound of unexpected understanding. 
Of grief. 
Water into water.
This is the tender sigh of crystal edge into liquid embrace.
Of forgiveness.
Water into water.
This is the audible moment of transformation, a subtle shift of flow.
Of bloom.
Water into water.
This is the symphony of comet tails brushed across the sky, at speed, Melting into the river of space.
Of whales gliding through oceans and rain saturating 
The soil, quenching its filamentous thirst.
Water into water.

Notice:

I want to shout enough!

ENOUGH!

About the places that we board and we take and we squander.

The women crying out! Listen to them

The vulnerable, the small, the poor,

We steal their right to be.

To speak is to exist, to take up space, to complete the whole.

Enough!

I want to have a tantrum like a toddler

Scream the hurt and pain that lingers.

Why do those in power get the voice?

Why do those with money get the choice?

The woman who sat with her coffee and her paper

The men with their boots and opinions

The women playing mahjong and bridge

They gather, they talk, they interview, they bring

Their family and sisters and brothers

And developers? They say it’s not enough.

Not enough money.

They say you are not enough!

The love of money is evil, he said, and he was right.

We love it so much we give those who have it the right

To decide

Where buses go, good produce, green parks.

The best streets, the most trees,

The beings we save and the beings we let die.

Enough!

These words aren’t enough!

Why do we act from scarcity?

Why don’t you act scared of me?

I am the woman, the athlete, the mother

I speak for the little, the forgotten,

the soil, the air, the mammals warm and dying,

the children, the teenagers, the elderly.

They are our enough!

Give them food and shelter,

Give them beauty and plenty,

Hell, give them money, yes a minimum standard for everyone

to ease the burden, to lift the weight

So they can fly, their imagination, their ingenuity, their creativity

Their capacity

To love!

To experience this world in all its beauty!

Beauty is enough!

Why do we take land from native people and

native flowers and trees and birds and bears?

There is enough!

Stop reaching, stop taking, stop fighting,

BE STILL

Enough!

Why aren’t the voices speaking for love

Amplified like the fear that we hear in the news

In the news, it is not enough, but here, right here

It is enough.

WE ARE ENOUGH

to turn the tide

To stop the hate and the violence and the unjust, the persecution and damning blindness.

ENOUGH I say to administrations that abuse and use and persecute and squander

The beauty that is the immigrant and the refugee,

And the dream that most Americans have woken from.

Enough! Enough guns for they fail

To make us safe, they replace

The words we need to speak

To hear where we hurt, where we are ignored and forgotten.

Walk into the garden, look at the pain the world is in

put your guns down, dig your hands in, sweat!

It is enough!

What words do I need?

Life is too short

Life is too precious

Life is found in forgotten streets,

in quiet meadows,

in trees growing through sidewalks,

in the apartments shoved out

and all the people who made their home

there stepped on, told to go.

Enough, I say,

ENOUGH!

Are you uncomfortable yet?

Is this Enough?

Your voice belongs here, too. Please,

an invitation to

Tell us your enough

You’re

ENOUGH

Wasp Spa

Tiny, cobweb width limbs reach quickly forward to rub her mandibles. They move on to stroke the delicate line of her left antennae. She starts quickly near the base where it connects with her ovally head, then slows as she reaches the antennae’s end. A tiny curl at the end of her leg (a foot?) reaches it last, bending it oh so slightly at the end.

She is so precise! Every time it is the same, the same motion, the same meticulous timing.

What is she made of, those tiny parts, able to move and bend so quickly without breaking or turning to dust, then springing back to where they came from? As if there were an invisible frame around her tiny body that is made just for her.

She moves on to cleaning her stomach and braces her lower abdomen with her four other legs. The base of the abdomen comes to a menacing point.

That makes me cringe a bit, that point, but if I just look at the top of her I can watch as she fluffs her antennae without concern. Sometimes she reaches up and rubs it with the crook of her little limb (an elbow?).

She moves on to rub her back as if there is an itch or some tiny particle I can’t see.

It’s been 10 minutes now of meticulous preening in the window of this coffee shop. Maybe, because she can’t get out, she is taking the time to stop and care for her own little body while she watches other insects fly by.

Her wings lift, her abdomen now at a ninety degree angle to the sill, stinger pointing up, so much more menacing than before. She turns one wing with her arm, cleans underneath it, rotates it on an invisible axle.

I am paralyzed as I watch this miniature solo spa. That stinger and those bold black and yellow lines keep me on a cautious watch. What should I do with her? Get a cup and let her out? Leave her here?

Maybe she doesn’t want to return to the outside, those millions of children, the buzzing nest. She saw the wooden doors open and slipped in, following the window’s light to this lacquered sill. It’s quiet here, no birds hovering, no other wasps buzzing, nothing to build, no one to listen to, no expectations. Just this. Time to polish her antennae, shine her sub-wings, rub clean invisible particles.

Jacques and Sylvia

I’m sure they had their bad days
Mornings the coffee was no good, the ship off course.
Days people didn’t even care that they dove
down, down, into places hardly any other human has seen.
Quietly flying through the sea.

Mysterious and utterly enchanting.

Only to surface to gravity pressing on them, waves slapping at them.
Heaving equipment onto the deck, peeling wet suits off their bodies and trying
to describe heartbreaking beauty to land lubbers.
Falling in love so deeply they couldn’t stop.

Wailing love letters from the ocean like sirens.

And like sailors who can’t be bothered to stop,
we close our ears and refuse to listen.
Sylvia! Name like a silver fish!
And Jacques! An ocean of secrets!

Human, like you and me, in love with the sea.

In love with maternal whales, grumpy groupers, ruthless sharks,
eels, corals, currents and caves.
They dove into the dark and were enlightened.
Sylvia, Jacques, speak to us!
Cry out from the depths of our own sea souls
until we let the water carry us back to ourselves.