I go outside
The yellow yellow locust,
the red red maple,
the brown green oak.
Color sinks into my chest cavity
After so much time inside
my body calcifies.
It no longer hums
looking at blue screen
instead of blue sky.
The wind moves leaves and trees, reverberates
and reverberates against my skin, my nose and eyes and ears and drums
and in-blows against my chest in thrumming waves, to loosen my over tightened heart strings.
Without reverb, the world is dry sound, strange.
Without sound reflection, life is dampened,
subtle shifts in colors and the murmurs of sparrows muted.
Winter pierces the ear, crystalline.
Spring rises with cacophony
Summer washes languid waves of heat that drown all, but fall,
fall beckons my body to belly breathe in
wet leaves and damp bark exhaling before the winter sleep.
I stop to see Blue Jay flash from pine to pine
Goldfinch alight on fuzzy seeds of grass stalks bent low
a musty moth resting on zinnia petals the color of sunset.
I go outside to reverberate and feel the world around me again and again, past the pain and guilt, to the point where I know what way to walk that day. Quietly. I have nothing to say beyond an apology for myself, for what I have taken without asking, what I have harmed without knowing, what I have stolen from other mothers and daughters in deaf consumption.
I go outside
and am soothed
by sound reflections so quick and close as to be indecipherable as individual delays.
We are not individual delays.
Earth’s reverberations thrum
from deep mantle and thin crust,
from high and low tide,
morning and evening,
acorn and oak,
caterpillar and moth,
child and parent,
seed and sequoia,
string and symphony,
you and me